So so new to this :(

[Nyla79]

Thank you so much (again) for your support. Now that I’m still visiting my hometown I’ve had such a hard time. This is where we spent most of our marriage, and the people here who are trying to be supportive, have no idea what mlc is. In addition to that, my kids know that the OW is now living with their dad, so they’re all a mess too. I find it easier to be at home in Spain rather than in here. Luckily, I have our summerhouse where I can go and be alone with the kids, but so far the weather hasn’t permitted it. (It is on an island and with the wind I haven’t been able to (or dared to) drive our little boat there.

DnJ, I talked with D14 about mlc, and she seemed relief to hear that there’s some explanation to her fathers craziness. She said he acts so weird all the time. Like when they had dinner the other night, he had shown her his mobile banking, because he has access to the companys that his managing accounts. (Which I think is quite bad given his mlc) She was confused because she knows it’s not his money. She felt like he was trying to brag with it.

I told her that it is good to let the anger out, but it won’t change anything. I also told her that the OW is also a broken person who has been fed lies by her father. She just doesn’t understand how someone can just walk away from a marriage like this without even trying to fix it. I again told her that these are his inner struggles and we don’t know if or when he will come out of this, but that I would stand for our marriage for as long as I can, because I do love him. I think that made her feel a bit better too, knowing that we (well one of us) haven’t completely given up on this.

Peacetoday, you are so right about being stronger than we are. My D14 had shown D12 the messages she had sent and D12 was at first angry at her dad and the OW but then changed into feeling bad for the OW. She said that “Think about it, mum, she was just there having a nice day and then all the sudden she gets these really mean messages from D14. Think how bad she must have felt” My poor girl, I tried to tell her that she shouldn’t worry about her fathers or the OW’s feelings, but to try to focus on her own and trying to work thru them. She said she doesn’t want to talk about her feelings to anyone anymore. I think she will need therapy, now that she know the OW is with her dad, she’s so angry at me all the time. I walk into a room and she looks at me and rudely asks what do I want? And then tells me to leave. If I don’t leave, she goes to another room. Same with S10. Sigh.

Gerda, thank you so much for your reply. I will watch the movies with my girls. And the journal idea I already introduced to my D12, she loves that kind of stuff. The letter you mentioned, that would be wonderful for both of my daughters. To have someone else explain this for them in a much better way than I think I can. If you ever have time for that, I would be so, so grateful. <3

I love the writing prompts you sent I’m going to try to do them with all of my kids. Might not work with S10, but I’ll give it a try.

Thank you all again, I don’t know where I would be without you all <3 <3 <3