Am I doing this right??

[Goddess8]

I have to admit that I probably would have went darker a lot sooner if A: he wasnt paying for EVERYTHING. And continues to do so. Being a SAHM without a pot to p... in is a hard pill. Especially when you spent your entire adult life thus far caring for your family. B: If he hadnt been soooo nice and NORMAL during conversations and interactions after OW left. Him reaching out to me. Him flirting. Noticing my changes and liking them even though they were for me. (On that note one of the last times we had sex he made mention of how thin I was. Almost too thin... I laughed in his face. Said "F you I look f'ing amazing" and continued what I was doing.) Lol You dont get to harass me for my mommy tummy for 14 years then tell me I'm too skinny.

I KNOW I was facilitating cake eating at the worst and compartmentalization at the best for him. I never wanted to be jealous, vindictive or spiteful. I have the OW entire name, car info and work info and I have never looked her up. There have been moments of temptation but I also know that nothing I learn of her will help me in any way. She could be beautiful, but I am too.(Recent post bomb drop realization) Yes I bet money she's a lot younger. Well people think I'm my kids college sister all the time. So she has a job...so do monkeys. And I am actively building a business. One of my 180's is house keeping. Very 1950's I know but I was slack. I enjoy the pride of a clean house now more than ever before. I have actually had the Ah Ha moment of knowing how he's felt coming home to a mess. It [censored]. BUT no its no reason to have an affair and run away.

I've had to find my self. Respect and otherwise. Seeing me and realizing she's pretty bad a$$. I didnt give up my youth. I CHOSE to raise my kids. The universe or whatever you call it put me on this path because I am strong enough to handle it and him. Blu you are right, mistakes aside I am the goddess prize and the better greener grass. He WILL realize this eventually. I will keep my distance and keep being me. IF he seriously wants to be with me he knows where I live.