Yes that is exactly right. Your old M is dead and gone. You might have a new R with her in the distant future though, only time will tell.
I'm sure I'm not saying anything here that people don't know or haven't felt themselves, but this is the hardest truth of them all. My heart tells me to think about the 90% of our relationship that was positive, and not the 10% nosedive that has gotten us here, but that's not going to help any. It's like a sugar high before the crash. My head knows that the memories remain, they exist in pictures, they'll stay with me. But that door is closed, and it's one-way. It's OK to mourn that.
Thanks for all of the real talk regarding the finances. I'm going to hold the line. She does work - after a prolonged period of consulting part-time and trying to make a career of her art - but her income is significantly less than mine. I have no interest in punishing her or being petty, but I also have no interest in being a pushover and leaving myself unprotected. There is a middle ground here that we need to find.
