What are your plans for Friday? Is your NGS going have you helping her move? I hope not. She is moving. She is on her own. You are busy that day.
Getting out of town. One of my friends has a house up on the Hudson, going to leave mid-day and spend the weekend up there with some buddies grilling, having beers, tossing around a football and such. I will say goodbye to WAW that morning though, going to be hard but I can do it. No R talk, no pressure.
Originally Posted by Steve85
Wrong. GAL and no contact is for you. Not for her. It helps you detach. If you are DBing to "gain value with her" then you are doing it wrong. Forget her. DB for you. Not her.
Good reminder. Thank you.
Originally Posted by Steve85
Yep. Right now that is true. However, do you want to get back with her? Than accept what she is willing to give you. There is a difference in being friends and being "friend-zoned." My W is my best friend, but I am not friend-zoned by her.
I've told this story a few times. Near the end of my W's waywardness, when she was getting ready to move towards staying and Ring, we were on road trip together. We stopped a drive-thru to grab a bite, and while we were waiting she made a silly noise. I laughed......mimicked the noise she made, and laughed again. She stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and say "WHO ARE YOU?" Her implication that just a few months earlier her silly noise would have annoyed me and I would have made disapproving body language movements, and maybe even chastised her publicly. Being fun and friendly is what you should be doing. Not settling for being friend-zoned doesn't mean not being friends with her, it means not holding out hope and waiting for her after you've been friend-zoned. You are a long way away from worrying about that.
Got it. Yeah, I guess I'm feeling a bit more optimistic that I really don't see a scenario where we come out on the other side of this with any hostility. She will always want me in her life. She said as much - I'm not giving up on you, I'm giving up on the way we were communicating and the way the R was going.
That is better than the alternative, even if it's not what I want just yet. And what I want can change dramatically as I do the work I have to do to better myself! But it feels like there's going to be a base level to work from. I guess this is where the outcome-agnostic mindset has to come in. I'll need to learn how to be friends and be OK with that, if it's just that. Having ulterior motives, that's just covert contract stuff. It'll be transparent.
