So, just got back from MC. Probably going to need some 2x4s.
WAW moves out Friday. Going to be super tough, but I will survive. I've been reading No More Mr. Nice Guy and identify with just about everything in it. Lots to do, lots to talk about with my IC. Starting to put some plans in place, too: reconnected with friends, joined to sports leagues, reached out about two volunteer opportunities. Time to be the best me.
What are your plans for Friday? Is your NGS going have you helping her move? I hope not. She is moving. She is on her own. You are busy that day.
Originally Posted by SteveS
In MC, we talked a bit about what our expectations are around contact post S. WAW wants to play it by ear, see what comes naturally. I let slip that I preferred for us to get as much space as we need to gain clarity on our situation. I'm concerned I played my card, which is no contact and GAL. If she's expecting it, I gain no value from it, right?
Wrong. GAL and no contact is for you. Not for her. It helps you detach. If you are DBing to "gain value with her" then you are doing it wrong. Forget her. DB for you. Not her.
Originally Posted by SteveS
She also mentioned that she's valued the kindness we've showed each other in the run up to the actual S. I'm paraphrasing, but she said that it reminds her that we can be friends and joke around with each other, because we've built up a history of in-jokes and just knowing the other person. I'm growing concerned that this guarantees a friendzone outcome, where she's closed the door on our romantic life together and is only interested in opening it back up for a platonic friendship.
Yep. Right now that is true. However, do you want to get back with her? Than accept what she is willing to give you. There is a difference in being friends and being "friend-zoned." My W is my best friend, but I am not friend-zoned by her.
I've told this story a few times. Near the end of my W's waywardness, when she was getting ready to move towards staying and Ring, we were on road trip together. We stopped a drive-thru to grab a bite, and while we were waiting she made a silly noise. I laughed......mimicked the noise she made, and laughed again. She stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and say "WHO ARE YOU?" Her implication that just a few months earlier her silly noise would have annoyed me and I would have made disapproving body language movements, and maybe even chastised her publicly. Being fun and friendly is what you should be doing. Not settling for being friend-zoned doesn't mean not being friends with her, it means not holding out hope and waiting for her after you've been friend-zoned. You are a long way away from worrying about that.
Originally Posted by SteveS
The other side of this argument is that after we S and I go no contact, GAL, work on myself, etc., if there truly is a future for us, it's going to be Phase 2, not Phase 1. Phase 1 is over, that part of our lives is dead. It seems unlikely that Phase 2 will be just like where we left off, so wouldn't that basically mean that it has to start over again the same way our original relationship did, which was a friendship that turned into more?
Exactly.
Originally Posted by SteveS
The plan however does not change. Detach, work on myself, put on 10 pounds of muscle, get my jump shot back, get them whites as pearly as they can be. In the meantime, hold my line and a boundary on the finances, and cut MC.
AWESOME! What are you doing on Friday. And if you say "helping her move" I am going to hit you with a 2x4!
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
