Heartbroken and Struggling - Part 2

[SteveLW]

How common is it for a W to be a WAW and having a MLC? And, does it matter?

Fairly common. Though usually an MLC will also result in them being wayward too. But no, it doesn't matter. GAL, detachment, 180s are still the prescription.

My W seems to be going through a MLC with the obsession with exercising, being resentful of getting older, listening to Pop music, R&B and rap all the time now, dressing younger, becoming hyper political/feminist, etc. But the story she presents to me about our marriage is that she fell out of love with me several years ago, I haven't been a good partner (which is cherry picking a few aspects of our relationship as opposed to looking at the totality of what we do for each other).

Believe nothing she says. While that is her perspective, you can rest-assured that she is rewriting history to fit her new narrative. But yes, MLCs and WWs often go to these kinds of activities. This is why sandi stresses that she it NOT the girl you married.

And do yourself a favor. Never use the phrase Mid-Life Crisis to her face. People going through what is called a "Mid-Life Crisis" do not see it as a crisis. At all. They see it as an epiphany. They see as an awakening. They see it as finally being motivated to go for the life they've always wanted and to make them happy. You need to realize that from her perspective, all she is doing is trying to be happy. Unfortunately, she doesn't think that can happen with you. However, you should lover her so much you want her to be happy. And you should be using this limbo period to show her how happy you are! Happiness breeds happiness. I truly believe that is what worked best in my sitch. As much as I was tortured on the inside, I remained friendly, upbeat, fun, engaged, yet emotionally detached. And do not underestimate the power of listening and validating. Ultimately, she wants to be empathized with!

I am not sure it matters, but I keep beating myself up over her being a WAW as if it proves that I have been a bad husband. Does that make any sense?

Guilt for not being a better spouse is part of the deal. Remember this: you have no control over the past. All you can do is be better in the present and resolved to continue that into the future. DBing is about focusing on what you CAN control...not what you can't. So be sorry for your past behavior. Forgive yourself. And move on.

This is about her more than it is about you, believe it or not.