Married couple from Scandinavia

[BenB]

Journal

Been a while so thought I´d update on what´s happened this past week.

Last Thursday I was invited to a party in another city. I accepted the invitation and decided to stay until Saturday to get some space from W. When things were fine between us we would always stay in touch throughout the day, sending messages to each other. That stopped when things changed of course. An hour before midnight the day of the party I received a message from W: "I´m going to bed now, did you have fun?" I didn´t see the message until 2 hours later and responded that it was great but unusually cold for that time of year(outdoor party).

When I woke up around 8.30 am the next day she had messaged me again, W: "I wanna go to Italy! crave it". We used to love Italy. It was our favorite destination and we have traveled to most places. We have this inside joke where we often send each other the angry emoji. We´ve done that almost our entire relationship. So if she for example would message me "I love you" I would as a joke respond with the angry emoji. And vice versa. So to answer her message about Italy, I just sent that emoji and she responded with the same.

Had things been fine between us I would have planned a trip for us when she said that. Shortly after she asks if I have any restaurant recommendations, her and her colleagues wanted to go somewhere new for lunch that day as they were tired of the usual places. I send a few names to places I know are good and she thanks me. Later that evening I was expecting an important letter so I ask her to let me know when she checks the mailbox. She responds that she and her colleagues are going to have drinks before she goes home but she´ll let me know. The rest of the evening she messages me more than usual. She tells me there´s a pop up farmers market near where we live, where they were having drinks. She sends me pictures of the food and everything she orders. I just respond a short "very cool".

Later in the evening she writes "I am staying home tomorrow btw" followed by an angry emoji. I know at the time she is writing this she means she would like it if I stay home with her. I respond only with an angry emoji. "Tomorrow" means Saturday so the day I was returning home from my trip. I had a lunch reservation at 1pm with a friend so she knew I would be gone for a few hours during the day but I had no plans in the evening. Perhaps it was best if I made myself busy in the evening as well but I really didn´t want to. I enjoy spending time with her still. As I arrive home from the airport she greets me with a hug at the door. We talk a little bit, she tells me she is having massive PMS anxiety. She adds that ever since she took out the contraceptive implant her PMS anxiety has increased and today it´s really bad. Before I said a word she burst in to tears. Important to know - my w NEVER cries! In almost 10 years together I´ve seen it maybe 4 times and twice have been over reading about animals being hurt. I hug her as she cries in my arms and say "is there anything I can do?". She tells me it will be fine but that the PMS increased whatever anxiety you already have times 1000.

While I´m away with my friend for lunch she messages me with what she has been doing, just things she seen out walking around the shopping street in our neighborhood. That evening we watched a few movies and everything felt like normal. But end of the evening it was still sleep on separate sides of the bed. So of course things aren´t normal.

The days after have been normal as well and today we finally had our next MC session. She tells the therapist about the weekend and how she feels more like herself lately. Like she is stepping in the right direction. I let her do most of the talking. She added that she is happy we didn´t make any drastic decisions and she is glad she didn´t move out as she suggested a month ago. The therapist says she thinks we will be fine. This is the second therapist to say that now, is that something they say to everyone? She then asks me how I feel about what my W is saying. I had to tell the truth so I said that while I´m happy she feels she is making progress, I don´t know what to think of it. This new therapist doesn´t know anything about the deleted photos on social media or the ring not being on her finger after a night out with her friends. So I said that I´m happy we seem to have respect for each other and still enjoy each others company, but that those past incidents create doubt. W said that she understands why I would feel that way, she would too, but that she only took her ring off to apply moisturizer and forgot to put it back on and that the pics from social media was because people would sometimes comment and she didn´t like answering questions. The person on those wedding photos is not how she feels today so it became stressful and she wanted to get away from that.

Therapist asks how she would feel about posting those photos again and W responds that things have to work out between us first.

I´m not sure what will happen but I don´t stress about it right now. All the things I´ve mentioned would have given me hope a while ago. Now I feel nothing. All of this could just be her cake eating.