Has anyone read much about Gottman and contempt? Well, it is the worst thing in any relationship and the number one marriage killer. So here I am -- I got the H back that we all want and he is doing all the right stuff -- yet I am still over 4 years later full of resentment and contempt. It has been a huge struggle.
Contempt is part of the reason we are where we are. My part. H and I have been down this road before and when we reconciled, I had all the contempt in the world and acted as if I had forgiven him, until I learned how to truly forgive.
My fear is that I am spoon-feeding him the cake. I fully believe that I have been allowing WAY too much cake-eating (I eat it with him and it feels good until it doesn't) So I'm in a new area. Friend zoned with benefits. If I had a friend that treated me like he does, I would have already blocked their number. But if my accountant called I would tell him no damage. So that's what I did. 5 hours later.
It's good that you are plentiful with the 2x4's - when you give advice, you are somewhat forced to follow your own advice. I've seen that in my life.
ME47 XH44, S28 S24 S19
8/17-BD IHS: 1/17-2/19 D FILED (ME): 7/19 D FINAL: 10/20 M23 T25 OW CONFIRMED: 01/21
Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.
