You can agree to give her X amount per month and Venmo it into her account, her own account that has no ties to you. That is what she gets and not a penny more.
Trust me you do not want to know what she is doing. Joint accounts also show your afraid and scared to let go.
I would also advise to not move out. If I had moved out of my house my XW would have been bringing guys over immediately into our home when I was with our daughters in my apartment. SMH.
Fade - Incredible post. You got it right - guys like clearly stated goals and missions! So much good stuff in your post.
Mission 1 has been severely under-prioritized this week, and I need to address that.
My favorite part of your post was THIS:
Originally Posted by fade
I can promise you that forking over your fatherhood and financial security as some sort of olive branch/trust exercise is not going to achieve anything good for mission 3. In fact, it only results in you lowering your value as a viable relationship option.
I am afraid of standing up for myself. I am afraid my W will balk if I ask for something written. And that's no way to live.
All I really want is a basic parenting plan in writing. Early on I'm sure W and I will agree to deviate and adjust as needed, but I need something to make me feel safe. Just like she needs the separation to feel safe right now.
Financial items don't bother me so much. She could clear out our checking, it's only 5% of our assets. It's all traceable, and I have access to other money. I'm just not that worried. We already agreed on excessive expenses. We are already running items by each other even today.
If I can go into this separation thinking: "Either way, UC will be fine" then I'm ready to do this.
My last thought here: I don't think my W has thought through any of this. I think she is just "buying time" because she thought that I was going to ask for the D. It leaves me lacking confidence. She lost romantic feelings for me almost a year ago. It's really hard to envision a path back. I feel like there is a massive burden on me that she is pointing out, and even then there are no guarantees she would have feelings again.
If I didn't know Sandi's Rule #33 by heart I would give up.
