Complex WW and/or MLC #3

[P_Jam]

Sandi/AS

I get your point. You might be correct. Maybe I'm not dropping the roper per-say. However, I am really enjoying my GAL and the interactions I have with her mostly revolve around the kids and good opportunity to just have some fun in each others company. What she feels is that yes it would be good and fun if she was around and if these nights continued but I believe she also knows that I'm totally fine if they don't. I'm not bothered if she doesn't stay and I don't push for any of it. I just create and opportunity for her to decide to attend or not.

I believe we are both pursuing in our own way. She has told me numerous times that PA/EA are done. Granted she hasn't provided all the necessary details I would expect in MC/reconciliation but she continues to let me know that those were mistakes and that she is sorry. She is not defensive about her actions she is remorseful. I believe she still has doubts about me getting over the situation and if we could actually move forward, but I don't believe she blames me for her behavior anymore.

Furthermore, as I've said previously I don't deny some pursuing. This is the one aspect about my Sitch that I've openly balanced against the DB'ing technique. I've done so in a very balanced "lighthouse" style. I'm here, I'm ready but until there is some change/commitment from her... I'm NOT WAITING. My life is moving forward as a single guy and she just happens to still be a part of it. I have turned her into my Plan B until she decides she wants to be plan A. This is probably a better way to say it rather than dropping the rope. I've given her the power to change my course of actions but at this point I'm going in a direction that doesn't have to include her in my life romantically.

Update:
She stayed the night on Friday after the kids carnival. After the kids went to bed she started another relationship talk. At this point I don't even remember how she started it. It was a little bit 'heated' but I think we both got some things off our chest. I could have done a much better job validating. I know this cause she to flat out told me. She said that I just need to stop talking and do more listening. Which I believe to be a valid point, but it is hard considering our current sitch. Based on the PA/EA I do feel bit defensive and it's hard for me validate when I don't believe we have properly dealt with the severity of those situations. But after she said that... I stopped talking and just started validating. Just letter her have a voice (regardless of what she said). It really calmed things down and after listening for a VERY long time I accepted and validated almost everything (as they are already part of my 180's) and I acknowledged that she was right and those things I'm already working on. I wrapped up the conversation by saying: I acknowledge your point about listening and I will focus more on that aspect with her. Then I asked if she could please understand why it is so hard? I told her that I'm fully aware of the EA/PA and without willingness to try and 'win' me back in some way makes me feel very insecure. I want someone who wants me, and you have not done enough to help me feel like the only guy that matters to you now. Although they may have ended there is nothing you are doing that says you won't start another one tomorrow. So Until we actually deal with the elephant in the room and decide that we are committed to each other and the process of getting through it - the 'playing house' is only for fun. I can't allow it to be or mean anything more as I will not give her the opportunity to have her cake and eat it to. She validated this for me and acknowledged how it must be tough...

We went to bed (no sex, no kiss or hug). I left early the next morning.

She brought the kids over on fathers day and we spent some time together. She wrote me a very long wonderful letter about what a great father I am ( just as I did for her on Mothers day). It was really nice and was also specifically about fatherhood and good times in the past. No 'relationship' stuff.

She starts IC (with my same IC) on Thursday... We will see.

I know you all have doubts, so do I - but we are headed in the right direction and I do believe that my own personal technique/strategy has been working.