People wiser and more experienced than I am will have better advice for you - I can only give you my experience of being the person on the receiving end of an EA. Hindsight is a wonderful thing but I'm not sure I was capable of doing what it took in those months. There's no shame in that. Perhaps we'd have a much better marriage now if I had have been able to. Perhaps we would have separated more decisively and more quickly, and I'd be much further along the path to recovery than I am now, if I had. I don't know. And regret is futile. The only right answer is to focus on yourself, and as far as you can remove yourself from behaviour that is unacceptable. If she's not out and out abusive to you, perhaps you can manage your feelings by having as much time and space away from her, and no R talks, and no booze (!) until things become clearer.
