Yes we talk in absolutes here because to do other is to mind-read, and mind-reading will get you no where. After BD it is safest to assume that your spouse is 100% done and then to act accordingly. To not do that means you will sabotage you DBing efforts in the name of not realizing the seriousness of her desire to leave.
A few months back I wrote a long post about the thoughts, attitudes, and timing that leads up to BD. The problem for most LBSs is that things were going along pretty well until BD. Then BD hits and they think every thing changed. This is a misconception. The truth is that while you thought everything was going along well, behind the scenes she was unhappy and looking for an escape route LONG before BD. The only thing that changed on BD was your knowledge of how truly unhappy she was, and your knowledge of the fact that she has been looking for an exit. Usually that takes about a year before a WAW will verbalize that desire. It takes them a long time because they are not sure, and they don't want to hurt their LBH. But rest assured, she is more done than not, and to treat her as anything other than 100% done risks applying pressure and pursuit that will push her to 100% in no time.
If you need to believe she is less than 100% done to have hope, then believe it. As long as you are realistic that she is likely well over 90% done, like 98% or higher. WAWs typically do not initiate BD until they are that sure they are done.
In my sitch, I realized something had changed and I initiated BD. But even my case she was probably at 95% minimum of being sure she was done.
Don't delude yourself, the chances are you will be getting a D. DBing gives you the best chance at turning it around, but there are no guarantees.
Last edited by Steve85; 06/17/1902:54 PM.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
