Am I doing this right??

[Goddess8]

I've been debating posting this convo from sat night. I have been rereading the archives and trying to understand and wondering if I handled the whole thing right. At the time it felt right... But in the light of day i worried I was too dismissive and not enough of a "soft landing spot". I do also worry about posting too much detail in case he begins searching the net for his own answers. I don't want to betray confidneces but I really need some help.


This all took place after H picked up the kids for father's day weekend visit. I didnt respond to his selfies with the kids even though I saw them. I was Gal'ing with a friend at the time and it was supposed to be dad kid time. I have them all the time. While I appreciated the pics and they were cute I wasn't sure why he was sharing them. Especially after hardly talking to me the past few weeks. I have remained dim with no initiating contact. I guess I am worried that in protecting myself from getting hurt I may cut off my nose to spite my face. I have read conflicting opinions on reconnection and when it happens. True remorse vs guilt. I know I've gotten the guilt apologies in the past. What frustrates me is this stuff is never said face to face. Does that come later? Is this feeling me out? There has definitely been small baby steps towards forward growth and his willingness to own his part of the marriage. This is the first time he's spoken in absolutes of loving me in months. Before is was "mights" and "maybes". I did not reciprocate the ILY. It didnt feel right in this context. Of course I still love him. I never stopped. I have made that choice every day for years. Ups and downs. Unconditionally. That's never been an issue. But him realizing he still loves me and never stopped seems big. What he does with that knowledge is of course yet to be seen. So any pointers going forward in furture interactions is much appreciated.

H: I Think more of you than you know
I do appreciate everything you do for our kids I hope you know that

Me: Thank you

H: Ur welcome
: I mean it
:Might not mean anything or you might not believe me , but I do love you I hope you know that
:I may have said otherwise in the past but that wasn't true
:Always feel like you ignore me now

Me: Im sorry you feel that way.
: Ignoring you isnt my intent, but pulling back to protect myself while you made your choices felt best for me to heal

H: I do
: Made my choices of what
: I dont even know what my choices are any more

Me: You chose another life besides the family. You chose another woman

H: I never have or never will chose another family
: An I dont want you to think i chose another woman or anyone or anything
: You really think I've gave up everything??
: Think I'd be upset that you ignore me
: Think I'd still think about you an us

Me: It definitely seems like you gave us up and chose someone else
: Thats how it felt

H: Well I'm sorry
: I do love you though I just want you to know that
: I know I said at one time I didn't
: An maybe even thought it but truth is I really do
: For whatever its worth