I’m having a hard time with it, but I’m in agreement we need to separate quickly.
I’m really struggling with the “limbo-ness” of separation. My anxious insecurity and need for reassurance is itching away, itching away, itching away, just wanting to ask my W: “Are you really sure you want to give this a shot?”
I agree that she doesn’t trust me, nor does she view me romantically. And the anxiety kicks in: “If she feels that way, then why not just D instead of S?” I guess she could be frightened of my reaction to a D.
I am so WAS-focused. I know. It’s a stressful time. Regardless of S or D, we absolutely need to be apart right now. So maybe I need to focus on getting through the process of actually separating without falling apart. It’s tough. Maybe once we are separated she will file. Maybe not. Either she’s using S as a soft way to get me out of the house before D, or she sees potential. When we talk about the S, she certainly likes to focus on us reconciling if we fix our (mostly my) issues, and does not like to discuss the D path. I don’t know what to make of this.
I don’t think she’s playing games. If anything she’s super assertive since the BD. I appreciate the honesty. It has made for some conflict in parenting but it’s such an improvement to actually talk. But it is harsh and blunt.
It’s tough not to look back at April and May and wonder why my W wouldn’t just talk to me. Why does she recall those months as times where I would not talk to her? It’s so confusing and I want to call her out on it but then... DB kicks in. Or is it NGS? I bite my tongue. Or am I just listening well and validating?
I do trust her as a co-parent. As we’ve talked, I believe I can trust her (at least today) on custody and financial items. The actual separation does not concern me.
I agree that I have to work on my issues, and at the same time, I am frustrated with her denial of her own role. She’s not in 100% denial, but our conversations mostly revolve around what I need to change. I listen, validate. She’s right about a lot of them, some of them I think are joint issues between us. I need space away from her to sort it all out. I can see that. It’s really useful info when it comes to 180s.
