You are describing my son. Boys are really different then girls. I look at the other girls and think, how easy. My parenting life would be a piece of cake. It’s not always a discipline thing either. Google adhd and non stop talking. It’s exhausting and my friends have told me that if they had to parent my son they would stick their fingers in an electric socket. My mom had 3 kids and she said that was easier then watching my son. (She also taught elementary). I get so deeply depressed when he is home from school after 3 days because the intensity is too much. Work is 100x easier then being home.
It’s not necessarily the parenting or discipline. With kids like that, you developed a whole new threshold. You don’t even see the little behaviors anymore. Like one day he was crawling on the floors and I let him because at least it wasn’t on the couches in the waiting room. You can’t yell all the time and a lot of their behavior is based on impulsivity and consequences don’t work and they adapt to stern voices. I know I have to save my yelling for something really bad. (Releasing ropes on the boat is pretty bad)
In fact a kid like that is often the cause of strain to a marriage. Usually one parent can’t cope and the others resents them because of lack of help. Please google and read up on what parents of kids with adhd deal with. The assumption that someone else can do better is really offensive. I can honestly tell you my son would have been abused (and a lot of these kids are) with a different parent because he gets really annoying.
