Embracing my Inner Me in progress

[Rita]

Hallo, Grace -- I don't think being detached means that you stop feeling conflicted feelings, loneliness, even moments of love and longing for your H -- and of course jealousy will always rear its lovely yellow-green head! I have gone many times to a priest to confess the murderous thoughts I have had about the OW and about the guy who is paying for my H's lawyer. And now the thoughts I have about MIL ain't so pretty either. (Though those mostly just hurt.)

Detached means that you don't collapse anymore, that you trust that you will keep walking. Remember the early days, when you couldn't move? In my early days I smoked a pack of cigarettes a day.

I think to become so detached that you stop feeling the feelings of a loving heart of flesh, you would have to cultivate a heart of stone.

Being detached, when you have those painful feelings coming on, you can have the strength and courage to bring them to God.

You are doing amazingly.

I would also caution you against allowing your H to rewrite history so much that you start questioning your entire past with him. I am sure he was deeply flawed, my H was too, and there were seeds of this, of course. But you don't have to doubt your entire life with him either.

E.g., Philippians 4:8.

Love to you, my friend.