I feel you Uni. Believe me I do. Those hypersenitivities to "emotional abuse" and the misreading creates serious trust issues, that Im not sure can be restored, and once those romantic feelings go away, i don't think they are coming back. Plus now because they want to divide and seperate for those reasons, it creates even more trust issues with us over them and our children because in both of our minds, both spouses are probably saying
"If they can break my trust and do this to me once, and seperate/divide the family/ have MLC/lose romantic feelings and re-neg on commitment/emotionally abuse me and our family, they can do it again." If they can do it once, they can do it again. Truth of the matter of the heart is forgiveness. Is it worth it? Who is it for? Why do we forgive? To reconcile, or to move on with our lives. The emotions. The decisions. I thought I was ready to pull the trigger on the D. I still am. But Im going to wait until physically seperated. Despite her being a kind and thoughtful person. She just doesn't think like me or understand me, and I don't think she wants to so why bother? Im going to focus on my kid, selling the house, getting my crap out and secured, my own place once its sold. Once I get to that place, and I am stable and not eating out of garbage cans and living out of my car, then I will decide to pull trigger on D. I see it happening either way. But i just want to make sure it's not some of my emotions making the decisions. Its going to take a miraculous amount of forgiveness to ever trust W or any woman for that matter for a very long time. I feel for my W. I do. Sometimes I want to reach out to let her know that I do. That I understand she is hurting too. We all cut off our own noses to spite our faces when we are hurt. In not going to reach out though, im not the one leaving, I said my piece for months and months, and now I'm just leaving it alone.
Uni I know you feel like. If W is feeling and doing these things. What the he'll is the point of continuing? But really. Do the S but wait on the D. Prepare with all the documents for it, but wait. Sometimes people do break down after 2 or 3 years of space and therapy, and realize, and sometimes they move on. I know its hard, but try to make your peace with where you are, and where you are going. I hope you can confidently decide if the trust issues are worth it or not and stick to it consistently.
