Happy Father’s Day to all you stand up dad’s out there! I admire all of you who are holding down the fort during your crisis, and being present for your kids. You guys rock!
I’ve been thinking quite a bit about my H as a father throughout the years. In hindsight, I don’t think he really had the tools to be an emotionally present dad. Heck, he wasn’t really emotionally present for me either for so many years. He had terrible role models. H went out to lunch with D19 yesterday. S21 is at school, so they will “celebrate” Father’s day next week. He sent me such a nice note for Mother’s Day, I feel almost guilty for not sending him a note. Maybe I’ll just do a quick text “Happy Father’s Day”. I haven’t decided yet. I can’t say things I don’t believe are true. He seemed better yesterday. I didn’t see him more than 5 minutes or so, but he didn’t seem so depressed. He said a few critical things about how I’m trimming the bushes, but I just let it go. I wanted to say “what do you care? You don’t live here?” He said he’d come next week to do it.
I find that I’m patient maybe 75% of the time as far as letting things unfold while I move forward. But lately I’ve been quite impatient. No sure what is bringing that on. Maybe it doesn’t matter. Part of the process and all that. I’m angry too that H is not capable of dealing with “us”. With making a decision of what he wants to do. I want to confront him about it, and say “pick a path that will lead you to how you want to live the rest of your life between now and dead, then do what is takes to make that happen”. But so far I’ve refrained and am just pleasant. I know it won’t do any good. I still think about him and OW – not a lot, but thoughts about whether they are together at that moment, or whether she is pressing him for a lot more. Tells me I have a lot more work to do on detachment.
I’m under the weather a bit this weekend. Just a fever. Nothing else. But, I feel draggy. It’s raining a lot, too. Maybe that is affecting my mood.
But, I’ve got my baby here for the summer, and she is a joy to have around! I’m thankful for it.
