Wife is having an affair and wants to separate -2

[97Hope]

Wife messages today saying "Daughter's birthday is in early August. Need to start planning in case you want to throw a party and invite people".

maybe something like "I have plans to take D xday-xday to celebrate, but if you would like to have dinner with us on her birthday, we can work something out"

I am not a vet to this forum, but I have been DBing for 2 years. Not always successfully, and have needed 2x4's on detachment more often than not.

From what you said, you know what you want to do, but you are trying to accommodate a WAW. I would say as long as she is having an A, you are not obligated to do anything for her. She might be used to letting you know what you need to do, but right now, you are in control of what you do/don't do (i.e. throw a party etc) if you WANT to go eat with her and your D, do so. If you don't, offer to let her have the birthday evening just the two of them, and then take the 2 days and celebrate just you and D.