I’ve been sitting 3 days thinking over the decision I need to make by next Wednesday.
My W feels emotionally abused from past events like my car pullover. The lingering effects are that she is hyper sensitive to my moods. And misreads me a lot. We need to by physically separate for some time. I am in agreement.
Looking back I don’t think she’s felt romantic towards me in about a year now though. I pressured her for affection, not all the time, but enough to destroy things.
And she feels like I’ve had other emotional issues going back 2-3 years.
I don’t think she is trying to screw me over. But I need to look at this and think... do I want to save this? Can it be saved? It seems impossible. For one I have to regain her trust emotionally. Tall order even if I continue the hard work I am putting in. Secondly she has to regain romantic feelings towards me.
And meanwhile I will feel shut out.
Is it worth it? I don’t know. Is it possible to do this? I don’t know.
I feel like I’m walking a tightrope. Fall off on one side and I’m in a divorce legal nightmare custody battle. Fall off the other side and I’m in a lousy separation which I shouldn’t have agreed to. Walk perfectly and I become a stronger person and heal... and MAYBE my W comes along. I’m just trying to walk that tightrope and be outcome-independent if I can. I guess I’m trying to say... I’m trying to pick a DB path that is not tethered to R, but also makes me feel good about my future no matter what happens. Right now I feel awful.
Idk... the emotional abuse victim piece makes it hard for me to feel any hope. I file for D and that reinforces the victim role.
