I’m not saying I am cowed by my W’s abuse talk, and so far the threats are indirect. Indirect but real. My worst case here is getting in a nasty custody battle. This means treading carefully, making sure my custody needs are met. This would include if we separate that I feel safe in our arrangement so I don’t get screwed if we end up divorcing. Without L’s involved.
It is tricky to navigate but the calmer I am the better. Basically if we separate which right now I agree to (terms are debatable) I need to feel safe and secure that my rights as a father are solid. I need some trust. I don’t know what that means exactly, and TBH it is hard to trust my W right now. Or really to trust my W in a year if we go down the D route and things get contentious.
And yes, this trust is a big part of whether I would consider R. Just like she says she needs to build trust with me, and it’s hard to define how to do that, I need to build trust with her, meaning I can’t always be waiting for abuse allegations.
So yeah this trust is affecting how I look at things More than who lives where. I plan to address this in MC next week. But I can’t define exactly what I’m looking for to be assured.
