I have been separated for a little over a year now. I can not believe I am saying that, but there it is. I need to focus on detachment; gently reminding myself that I am dropping the rope, and that internally that means trying to stop all the mind reading and dissecting my interactions with my H for meaning. I am accepting that none of that actually means much, and that if he wants to come back I will know it (thank you Bluwave for this wisdom!!!) I have FINALLY accepted the oft mentioned DB fact that my detaching and dropping the rope is the only small hope for reconciliation at this point, and the healthiest thing for me regardless. I am really sad. But I also feel myself getting stronger. I知 finally taking active steps to get my life as a single mother in order; I知 actively seeking job opportunities that will allow me some flexibility to be around for my daughter as much as possible. I知 grateful for the fact that we are living in a world where it is quite possible to work from home and build a schedule somewhat around parenting. I知 working on reality checks for myself, and now trying to find the magical balance of being lovingly detached from my husband. I致e always been the type to come across as cold when I am being protective of myself, so I知 trying to figure out the line between that and allowing for cake eating by my H. Not sure how I will figure that out, but I will.
We got into a bit of a silly argument last night and afterward I sent him a text to explain my feelings in a business like manner and to apologize for my half. He responded in kind and said some things that shows a level of self awareness that I be never seen from him. I felt very relieved and very sad at once. I wish so badly he could have applied that in our relationship. I知 trying to focus on being grateful that my daughters father may be starting to evolve as a human, because it will greatly benefit her. Here I am! I知 doing my best and trying to be kind to myself along the way. It hurts. But I値l be ok.
