So I ended up going to a different class as the first one was cancelled, I hadn't been to this one for ages but it was great, lots of energetic punching and kicking, I imagined H's face in front of me and probably will have sore muscles tomorrow smile Going home I had a sudden image of my H as a vortex of pain and confusion and anxiety, I literally had this picture in my mind of a tornado of his feelings. And I thought 'that looks dangerous to be near, you don't try to understand a tornado, you just keep your distance and try not get sucked into it and damaged yourself'. I'm going to keep this image in mind, because it seems to sum up where he's currently at and the risk I'm putting myself in by getting too close. I'll only be blamed for his bad feelings and confusion, just like he has done over our M. If he's in self-destruct mode with work and alcohol then I can't help him and am best off keeping back. I'm also putting a post-it on my phone saying NO! so that when I'm tempted to contact him I won't. Wish me luck. I took my wedding ring off, not sure when or if it'll go back on but it feels wrong right now, I don't really feel married.