My sleep is on and off.. Day 3 4h00 am. : i am awaken by a nervous shock. Something i experience often when i am in high anxiety for long period of time. Lack of sleep and high stress. I jump in the basement and start cleaning it. Getting raid of clutters and pilling it outside to take to the dump. It is free dumping until the 16th. I want to take advantage of it. 5h50 am. I start thinking about work. I am the key holder. I start thinking about the staff and the deliveries coming in. I make the decision to go. I text my boss, who has not seen my prior message yet, to please ignore it . I would not do this to them. I would give all i can under the circounstences. I was going in. (They told them about the situation and warned them that the cops my come to address D16' s bf and they did.)
7h00am. My boss comes straoght to me and ask: you ok? Me: (shaken) no i feel like by adressing an issue, i created many others and i do not know what to do about it. I do not want to make any decision because of my state of mind at the moment.
He understood. He knows this is very difficult and him and his wife were gonna support me with anything i needed.
I signed out and went home. I layed on the couch and fell asleep.
8h05 am. Phone rings. Me: allo Ex-h: ( angry ) WHAT ARE YOU DOING? i hanged up
Of course, he called right back. Me: (regular tone ) you can drive her all the way. I did enough damage. No matter what i do or i much i put in, i am a f*ck head to you". And i hang up Grabbed my jacket and head out the door because i kbew he would call again or would come to the house after driving her. I took another 45 min.ride to make sure he would be gone by the time i got back. 11h30 am. I picked up D16 for her lunch. She was quiet bit ok. 12h25, took her back to school. 1h00 pm now i feel nauseated and like i am about to faint. I ask D18 if she could give me a ride. She said yes.. where to? Me: hospital
