As a person who has never been able to go dark, I get where you are coming from. But you don't need to go fully dark. You just need to give yourself space to breath and clear your head. Right now all your focus is on him, and all your actions a reaction to his actions.
So go dark for you. Pull away for you. Right now this man doesn't deserve you. And right now you can't see that because you are only looking at him.
Shortly after BD I got really ill. H had been flying for a couple of days and by day 2, I couldn't get out of bed. I had possibly the worst bladder infection of my life. I called my MIL and she took me to A&E (it was about half past 8) whilst our au pair looked after the kids. After waiting for three hours, crying uncontrollable at the emergency doctor, I finally got some antibiotics and came home (I refused the antidepressants). My H came home around 1 am (and yes, he had been working). He came in to the room (he stayed in the MBR until he moved out), looked at me, said "Mum says you're sick" then "you need to start looking after yourself, you can't afford to get sick", got changed, walked out of the room and watched TV for two hours.
My point is, a useless arse of a H is no use to anyone.
We deserve someone who will bring us cups of tea when we're sick. And if we don't have them, we will make our own damn tea.
