Gekko, if you can look back in 10-15-20 years without regret, and honestly tell yourself that 8 months was long enough, then I say go for it. However, if you don't think you'll be able to do that, regrets last a lifetime.
Thanks Steve. Right after BD I told W she was free to move to the guest suite or right on out the door to get "space". I wasn't going anywhere and I didn't. But the legal process is moving ahead and decisions on the house have to be made. At some point I look weak if I'm not decisive. For many months I gave W the "I'm evaluating my options" line, but that ship has sailed. I eventually told W I will not buy her out, so W and her dad are going to buy me out and we've been talking numbers, or a possible sale of the house if we can't agree. W has been pressing for awhile. She wants out and if I go silent on the house issue I am standing in her way, appearing to be intentionally roadblocking D, and looking weak IMHO.
Based on my sitch I have little doubt the right move now is to get out of the house and either cut a deal on a buyout or list the house. IHS with someone who is pressing the D process......is not fun. I'm not helping her, but I can't endlessly block her either. Trust me I wish I had the cash to buy the house, then she could hit the bricks, but that's not my sitch.
I have a great IC and have a lot of tools on how to deal with W better than in the past. I have no plans to stop DBing. But W is going to have to get into therapy and make some significant changes if I am ever going to consider a R with her. I can't control that and therefore spend little time wondering or hoping about it. I am focused on myself and learning how to be a better man. A lifelong process.
As for regrets, who can predict? Do I have regrets as to how I responded to W's harshness, attacks and insults? In general terms, standing up for myself and calling her out on her BS? No regrets there. But some regret on the defensiveness, counterattacks and stonewalling. Plenty of room for improvement there. Regrets regarding the D? No. W is pulling the plug. I told her I wanted to work it out, get into therapy, and she said no chance. While I played a role in the underlying issues, and accept such, progressing to D is her deal. So it's doubtful I will ever regret moving into another place at this stage instead of hanging on IHS for however long the legal process would allow me.
