I don't have much evidence of this, but you've been to this rodeo and not me. Painful.
Steve, when I caught my W's EA I had no evidence. I had a gut feeling. An instinct. That said "something ain't right". So search in your gut. You wrote the "her queerness" paragraph above. My guess is that you already suspect something. Even if it is just an EA at this point in time. We have a saying around here: a monkey doesn't jump from the branch it is on until it has identified another branch that can support it.
Originally Posted by SteveS
Good advice, thank you. I will see what I can figure out about her motivation for continuing MC. Maybe I'm being in denial or naive or both, but I really do think she's more confused than anything else. I'm paraphrasing what she told me when she first brought up the idea of trial separation, but to her us continuing the way we were was a sure-fire, beeline towards divorce. She wasn't happy, I wasn't happy, we weren't communicating, there was a dark cloud over everything. Through a certain lens - and again, from her perspective based on what she told me - separating was the best way to communicate that it wasn't over, but something needed to charge in order for both of us to get a new perspective.
Living together before marriage is often referred to as "trying it out before getting married". I am anti-shacking up, but this has been the rationale for living together for as long as I can remember. "Trial separation." What do you think that is a "trial" for? I don't know the stats but I would say that the statistics for those that separate would show a pretty high D rate for those that go that route. "but something needed to charge in order for both of us to get a new perspective." I agree with that statement. But my point is why is separating the change? Why is her not sleeping in another bedroom (ok this is NYC so you might only have one, but there is the couch!)?
Now here is the thing. You have no control over that. "I would prefer if we remained together while we work through this. However, I cannot stop you from moving out so if you feel that is what you need to do I will not try to stop you." However, I have to say, that packing up books sounds pretty permanent. And what about leases, assuming she is moving into her own place (do you even know this)?
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
