U, just take some time to process it all, it's a lot to handle all at once like that. I would not under any circumstances leave the home. That should be a non-negotiable point in my opinion. She's trying to make you out to be the bad guy, but she is the one that wants to wreck the marriage. She should be the one inconvenienced by her actions, not you. I've seen so many LBS's leave the home and they are living on someone's couch, or in a basement, or in a crappy little apartment while the WAS is living it up in the family home with the kids and sometimes even OM right there under the same roof. The WAS will not respect you more for leaving, she will respect you LESS.
Originally Posted by LH19
The DB alpha move would be to tell her that you understand that she feels you need to separate but you are not leaving your kids and the house. If she wants to move out you will not stand in her way. You would like to remain living together and work collaboratively with MC to fix your marriage.
^^^This^^^
Originally Posted by unchien
I feel like I have limited options here. I can accept separation and we work out a schedule where I see the kids most days. She’s on board. We continue to go to MC - something I made clear as a requirement in this case. No dating. I told her complete honesty, we need to stop the mind reading. If either of us (if I accept this) wants out then we say it.
You can and should choose to stay put, keep the kids there and let her move out if that's what she wants so bad. DON'T HELP HER. Also do not continue to go to MC, she's officially a WAS now and the ONLY reason she'll keep going is to check it off her list of "things I did to save the M but only proved it really was over". As far as the no dating rule, don't expect her to honor that. If I had a dollar for every time a WAS has agreed to that and then had an A anyway I'd be driving a lambo.
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W said she has no interest in a legal battle.
What she means is "give me exactly what I want because I don't want to have to fight for it."
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I know the advice here is going to be to stay in the house. I know my head is spinning because so much was discussed. And I should not take it at 100% face value. But I will end up getting served.
If you're going to get served then it's inevitable, it will not be because you took a stand to stay in the house.
It's time to change your mindset. She's not your loving W that you need to buy flowers for to soothe an argument. She's a full-blown WAS. You've done enough research to know what that means and what you should do and not do. Take some time to absorb this and then get to work.
