I share a lot of your perspective, Dilly. I guess 'going dark' could be a manipulative move 'if you're not going to come back, then you don't get to see me at all! ha!!' but it is also a way of making room to focus entirely on yourself and protect yourself from someone else's poor behaviour, and to let yourself fully accept that the marriage is dead and you're on your own now. I know if I'd have done it earlier, it would have been about manipulation. Perhaps I could have faked it until detachment happened, but I don't think I'm so strong willed as that. Now I feel differently. I have the door open, at the moment, to hear what H has to say. If it's no good, I want to close the door not to make him suffer or to come back to me or for anything to do with him at all, but because I am sick to the back teeth of the uncertainty, and thinking about it, and having to deal with how he acts sometimes. I think going dark has to be about yourself, not about rescuing a relationship. Once I go dark, I'm out.
