I empathize with what you are feeling. A virtual DnJ (mantle sized) is all I can offer. A two armed hug, and an ear. I’m not there in person, more in sprit. I have found that sometimes people who are present are more absent than the absent and yet present person, if that makes any sense.
Originally Posted by Gerda
So I know this must be part of grief and there must be something past it. But right now I am low low low.
(((Gerda)))
Yes, there is something past all the grief. Something wonderful. It is quite a slog to get there, to get through what you have to walk through. In the dark low low low times remember it is so very worth all the effort.
I am sorry for the unbearable loneliness you are feeling. I remember how absurd it suddenly was for me - I was alone and had all the responsibilities, all of it. Kids, house, school, food, clothes, cars, on and on. Just feelings, they will pass, and they will fade. You know all this, but those feelings are something else aren’t they?
As for MIL:
Gerda, you can’t control anyone but yourself. MIL has made her choice, respect her right to choose, and let her go.
MIL’s held back rant about moving to the city is so reminiscent of my XW’s Mother’s displeasure of W and I moving to the country, instead of staying in the city. Your MIL is showing some of her hidden colours, she does sound a little controlling (and irrational) in that snippet of a letter.
Might just explain a bit of H’s behaviour, pure projection onto you, which should be directed at his parents. All that stuff of you controlling him, and all those run on big worded sentences. Projection of his feelings due to his parent’s treatment of him - IMHO.
And what kind of a grandma suggests that her grandkids need time way from their parents. What a crock! Do not pay any heed to this woman. Let her go. You can’t change her mind - she’ll have to come to that herself.
I’ll said it once more - pay MIL no heed.
- - - -
Gerda,
You are an awesome gal!
DnJ
- - - -
My letter is shorter. Blunt, true, and sincere. You can choose which letter you wish to “listen” to. Which you choose and will believe.
Keep putting one foot in front of the other, you’re getting there.
DnJ
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
