Thanks Blu. I get a lot of truth about what you're saying. I've made a lot of mistakes and I haven't DB'd perfectly, and not at all some weeks. All that is true. I haven't asked for an R talk, I've asked for him to collaborate on separating our finances. He wants to go to therapy and I'm reluctant. He's asked to talk, and because he was respectful, I am willing to hear him out, see if he's willing to collaborate like an adult, and, if not, as I've said, the plan is to separate finances legally (which will be more expensive without his collaboration, but perfectly possible) and go dark. I don't want to force him to do anything. The ultimatum was an attempt at that, and was misguided and a really bad idea. This is me going ahead, and if he wants to come along, great, and if not, I will go and do what I was going to do anyway and leave him behind. I suspect the latter is much more likely than the former because - like you say - he left me and treated me poorly - but it will be an end to the standing and limbo from my end of things.
