Thanks for the thoughts everyone - some updates from the weekend:
Wife changed her mind on the seperation, nesting, etc. options and agreed to stay together in the house for the time being.
We actually had a good weekend together. On Saturday we went to the pool together as a family. She had some friends there who she hung out with, I spent time with my daugther and wife and I chatted alone a little too. We went home and I barbequed for the family and we watched TV together after daughter went to bed.
On Sunday my wife had plans to take our daugther to lunch and a movie. As they were about to leave she invited me to come along. I was really suprised but I didn't have any other plans so I went along. It was pleasant, we made dinner together after the movie and again watched TV after daughter went to bed. So nothing remarkable really but we spent some time together as a family which was nice, really for our daughter I think. Defininitely no R talks by either of us but some bit of semi-normalcy after BD a month ago.
I did my 3rd coaching session with my DB coach on Monday. She recommeded I write an apology letter which I've been working on. Also saw an IC for help with more of the emotional side - he thinks my wife and I both have some issues from pervious relationships and/or childhood that have led to our problems. I'm sure we'll get much deeper in to that next time.
Question mainly for Steve85 but if others are familiar - anyone used Mort Fertels Marriage fitness material? I started working on some of it and it's pretty similar to DB techniques with a few key differences. I ask Steve85 specifically becuase he recommended "talk charges" and "touch charges" and I think that's where he got it from.
The main difference I see is when you get to the pursuit part. Mort recommends tableing problems, rebuilding connection and then tackling past problems - something easier to do if you are both open to it. Mort doesn't recommend giving a ton of space when you have an "obstinate spouse" (WAS) because he believes you are giving them what they want and clearing their concience to proceed with the divorce. He says the WAS will do everything in their power to get you to go along with their agenda, and by not backing down in pursuit (with some caveats) and instituting change with actions not words you will keep them conflicted in their decisions. Basically similar to BAMOAFWL but still initiating contact with the WAS.
Curious on others thoughts or experiences with these types of ideas that are similar but slighty different than strict DB.
