Can I Save My Marriage Alone?

[CanBird]

LB55, thank you for the welcoming words. Good to know people such as yourself can relate.

Today I bought 6 bags of dirt. My daughter and I like the garden. Something to keep ourselves busy. Also purging throughout the house. Decluttering, donating & ditching things. First comes kido, always. Finding things we can do together is rewarding. She's 3, and at such a cute stage.

Father's Day is coming up. We bought her D a card. Because he's at sea, I never know when he actually gets it, unless he tells me. Maybe on Father's Day, I could send him a message from daughter, with some up dates. We'll see.

I don't really pray, but I do when I need to. I pray H is okay. I pray that I'll be strong today for myself & my daughter. If I can't be strong, than I can't be strong for her.

Been doing a lot of play dates with kido. THat's normal. lol Trying to keep busy. That's our normal.

THat's all for now.

[Traveler]

Hi CanBird! I read your whole thread. Sorry for your situation. I once had a partner with depression--I signed them up for therapy, drove them to it, supported them there--but they had to hit rock bottom to change. Good job, focusing on what's best for your daughter. I hope that and staying together align and happen.

[CanBird]

Thank you CWarrior. Focusing on daughter, our well being and keeping our home running smoothly is what I do best. I've never dealt with a loved one deep in depression until now. I wonder how H is dealing with this? He hasn't talked to anyone (that I know of), just to me. But, I can't worry about that. It's his journey.

I will read your post a bit later after d is in bed.

[CanBird]

Sent H a Father's Day Card, from daughter. She was really excited about the whole process worked. Finding a card, mailing it out, the postal worker pick-up, and how it gets from here to there! Love teaching her how things work.

I didn't get my fingers into the dirt today, but we had a fun morning play date at a pool. That was fun. A few errands, and Skype talks with family (no mention of H). I did however, scratch something of my To-Do-List. I replaced the blind on our back door. If I can do it myself, I do.

Gymnastics in the morning. Breakfast is already made. Overnight oats. You have to google it if you've never heard of it. I miss it when I don't have it. SO good.

That's all for now

[CanBird]

One more thing, that I don't think is a big deal, but thought I'd share anyway. I had contact H regarding finances. All business and to the point.

That's it.

[CanBird]

DR gets here this week. Looking forward to flipping through the pages. I need support. I don't have anyone to talk to about this, and that's by choice. But sometimes it weighs on you, and you think maybe I should? I guess Just letting it all out here I guess. I journal a lot too. It's a release. And something feels good about writing down your positive and sometimes not positive moments. I keep multiple journals for that very reason.

Have plans this weekend. I try to say yes anytime someone invites us out, especially if it's a play date! They mostly are, but always good to be out and laugh with friends.

[AnotherStander]

I need support. I don't have anyone to talk to about this, and that's by choice. But sometimes it weighs on you, and you think maybe I should? I guess Just letting it all out here I guess. I journal a lot too. It's a release. And something feels good about writing down your positive and sometimes not positive moments. I keep multiple journals for that very reason.

Writing journals and posting here are great ideas. But yes, it does help to have someone to talk to face-to-face as well. Make sure it's someone that doesn't know your H though. If it's a mutual friend then no matter what is promised, they WILL eventually leak info back to him and that can be very damaging. When I was going through it I reconnected with an old friend that had been through a WAS situation, he had no connection to my XW at all, had only met her once or twice. We would go to lunch or dinner and have some really great convos that allowed me to get a lot off my chest. It definitely helps.

[LB55]

I like writing in my journal too. It’s a good release. I also look back on things and see how I’ve changed in this process. It’s kind of astounding to see what I was writing 6 months ago.

I journal about positive and negative stuff. It’s good to get my thoughts out and on paper, even if I’m just venting. For a while I had to do it before bed or I couldn’t sleep. It was rough for me at first.

Glad to see you sent a card. Keep the communications about business and your daughter. He may or may not decide to initiate some talks. Just listen. Google non defensive listening. I found it very helpful. Whatever he says they are his feelings. You don’t have to agree with his feelings to hear him out.

Glad to see you getting out and doing things. It really does help. Finding some friends that aren’t in n the middle is key, like AS said. I revived a couple of friendships via the book of face and we’ve gotten lots closer due to all this. They did casually know my W, but they’ve basically just listened and told me they would’ve given her the finger long ago. They are good people to vent to. Keep up the good fight! You win either way.

[CanBird]

The book DR arrived a day early. My little one is in bed. Looking forward to seeing what I can apply. It'll be interesting, as I've mentioned before, he's away at sea until November.

We have little to no contact. And I've usually let him take the lead with communication anyway, when at work, 'cause you never know if there's a cell signal for text. As for emails, that go to his work, in the past, usually business, the daughter and a tiny bit lovely. (Everyone can read the emails, so it's pretty G-Rated). Now it's strictly business. If there's something special to say regarding daughter, I will. I don't put xoxo no love you, I don't even put my name.

I'll be posting as I read along of course. Let's see what you've got DR!

[CanBird]

Today was a good day. Gymnastics with my daughter in the morning. We made it on time too! I hate being late. And I have been since the BD. Working on that. My daughter is 3, and it can be a challenge sometimes, and that's part of life. After lunch we spent hours outside in the dirt. I use to do this a lot before I had her, and it feels great that we can do this hobby I enjoy together. Mostly succulents, a few little fruit trees (banana, lime) and my newest, strawberries! They are crawling like a vines so I'm experimenting and hoping to lure them in to rooting, into an empty pot of new soil.

Tomorrow, our usually Thursday activities. I've pretty much got "play date" plans for the entire weekend.

Haven't heard a peep from H. I don't really expect to hear anything, not unless he needs something.

That's all for now regarding our day.