I just have to plan out events to keep us both out of the house and active until BIL's leave. Don't get me wrong, me and BIL's get along just fine. I just don't want to be present and get roped into doing something W wants me to do for her own benefit and gain. I don't want to sell the house I don't want to get divorce I don't want my marriage to fail. I don't want to split the family.
IH, so your BIL's are coming over to do some home repairs that you said you would do and bought the materials for but never did? If so, then why do you think that's W "roping you into" anything? Sounds like she's given up on depending on you to do it, so she's making it happen on her own. It sounds like you're saying if they make the repairs then it allows her to sell the home for more, thus benefiting her. But that benefits you as well, and in the same amount/ percentage it benefits her, right? As for not wanting the marriage to fail, it already did. And not wanting to split the family, it already is. Accept those things and move on. Maybe you can build a new R with her later, but for now you have to let her go and focus on you.
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But if she is going to keep pushing her narrative and agenda. Then I sure as hell am not going to help it along. She can figure it out on her own.
It sounds like she's doing exactly that, and it's giving your heartburn. I don't see it as her pushing an agenda, she's just trying to get things done that you're not following through on.
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Just looking for advice to spend time out of the house until I can return to it. Maybe I'll take him to a car show or two? He likes the hot rods.
He's 1? I wouldn't spend too much time at a car show, I doubt it'll hold his interest for long. Plus car owners tend to get real nervous when a toddler is around their price-and-joy. I would suggest something more age-appropriate like a zoo, water park, swimming, science museum, even a local park to hang out. He can touch and enjoy things without constantly hearing "don't touch that!" like he would at a car show.
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If W considers me not finishing some of the small stuff around the house, as a big intentional FU to her, well I consider her selling the house an even bigger one to me.
I agree with LH, your posts just in general have this very angry, bitter tone and this "I'm going to get even with her" attitude. Do you think that is helping you grow as a person?
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Now I know I should have finished these things, the split custody and work has added more burden to it. (Yeah I know excuses excuses.) But really? If your SO was selling your home without your approval because of THEIR PERSONAL DEBT THAT THEY INCURRED IN THE MARRIAGE, that they wanted out of the M, and you couldn't afford to keep the M home on your own income and refinance, and you're credit was poor because of W pulling multiple loans to keep things afloat BECAUSE OF THEIR DEBTS, and still jointly being able to swing the mortgage. Would you have any incentive other than sale profit to help them get closer to their goal of leaving and selling?
You can't afford to live in the house, so it's going to have to be sold sooner or later regardless. So yes, your incentive is to maximize the value of the home so you can get the most out of it possible when it sells. You're thinking emotionally and not rationally, and I get that, but you've got to work on that detachment.
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I know their true intentions on that cuz they're good guys just helping their sister. I guess I'm just angry at myself for not finishing these things in the first place, and now someone else is coming in to help with it.
Aha, now that sounds like you're getting to the root of things!
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I know the sale if the M home is inevitable, and most likely D is inevitable, and I've accepted that, and am preparing for such. I just have no desire to help it along.
I don't see how repairing the home or helping your BIL's repair it are helping the D along. I think you're drawing causalities that aren't really there.
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I just want to get through this splitting process and into a new life as scary and as unknown as it is. I have no desire to save my marriage anymore.
Really. Then why all the backlash against some home repairs.
