LH19 What gives you the impression from my post that I am bitter and vengeful and "blocking" every move my W makes? Ok yeah you have a point. I will be benefiting from sale of home. As far as what most aren't seeing here from what I haven't been posting is the subtle manipulation. Last weekend W invited me out to BIL and her nieces rec event on her weekend with S1. Now I see why. She probably wanted to see if BIL could speak with me in arranging cooperation and persuasion into us doing the projects together, and having me watching S1 on her time last weekend. Otherwise it probably would have been crickets hearing anything from her. It's gotten to the point where the only time I hear from her through text message or phone call is when she wants or needs something. And only for that reason so I had to put a stop to it.
Steve Im actually looking forward to spending time with S1 this weekend since its Father's Day. I just have to plan out events to keep us both out of the house and active until BIL's leave. Don't get me wrong, me and BIL's get along just fine. I just don't want to be present and get roped into doing something W wants me to do for her own benefit and gain. I don't want to sell the house I don't want to get divorce I don't want my marriage to fail. I don't want to split the family. But if she is going to keep pushing her narrative and agenda. Then I sure as hell am not going to help it along. She can figure it out on her own. So yes I am done. Im staying more mentally and emotionally sane that way, and I'm just fine with my decision. Not being punitive. Just looking for advice to spend time out of the house until I can return to it. Maybe I'll take him to a car show or two? He likes the hot rods.
I'm just looking for advice on how to handle time with S1 out of the house since I can only do so much with him, and have so many places to go. As far as the road paved home and "the million potholes" If W considers me not finishing some of the small stuff around the house, as a big intentional FU to her, well I consider her selling the house an even bigger one to me. We have had this discussion time and time again that it was never intentional of me. It was just due to work, travelling, and placating to all of her social affairs on a whim when we were on good terms, instead of getting stuff done as I intended to. Admittingly I do have my share of excuses as well, valid, but still excuses.
Now I know I should have finished these things, the split custody and work has added more burden to it. (Yeah I know excuses excuses.) But really? If your SO was selling your home without your approval because of THEIR PERSONAL DEBT THAT THEY INCURRED IN THE MARRIAGE, that they wanted out of the M, and you couldn't afford to keep the M home on your own income and refinance, and you're credit was poor because of W pulling multiple loans to keep things afloat BECAUSE OF THEIR DEBTS, and still jointly being able to swing the mortgage. Would you have any incentive other than sale profit to help them get closer to their goal of leaving and selling?
Not being vengeful at all, but yeah im a little bitter. Who wouldn't be in any of our circumstances? Im not blocking any moves she makes whatsoever. I'm just not going to help her along with it.That's all. What I can't seem to figure out is everyone around here advocates the whole " You fired me as your H." mantra. They want to leave, Let them figure it out ideology. But then when I do, I'm the one who gets backlash for it.
I could use a bit of an attitude adjustment throughout the whole situation. I'm not being punitive or vengeful about it let's make that clear. I am glad however you pointed out another way of looking at it as far as BIL's helping W with projects and sale so both can benefit. I know what can feel like my brother-in-law's are pissing in my own territory, and I need to put those personal feelings aside. I know their true intentions on that cuz they're good guys just helping their sister. I guess I'm just angry at myself for not finishing these things in the first place, and now someone else is coming in to help with it. It's difficult not to be a little resentful about it.
I know the sale if the M home is inevitable, and most likely D is inevitable, and I've accepted that, and am preparing for such. I just have no desire to help it along.
Steve85. Its fairly easy to get defensive in these situations, I'm trying to work on it, getting much better externally presenting myself while handling it, but internally yeah the hurt is still there. Not over W but over circumstanses if that makes any sense. I honestly don't feel much of anything for W anymore. I've been too hurt to care anymore. Its just neutral, carry on with my day, business as usual. The less that is said the better. I just want to get through this splitting process and into a new life as scary and as unknown as it is. I have no desire to save my marriage anymore. It's not that I feel as if someone has wronged me they're doing what they need to do what's best for them. Well then I need to do what's best for me. If that means taking my son out for the entire day, or avoiding her and BIL's then that's what I'm going to do anyways.
