Anxious, Emotional Neglect, and LRT

[ovrrnbw]

After separation and during the end of my transformation, I really came out of my emotional shell. I saw my partner in a new light. As a worthy person, whom I don't resent, and deserving of my full love that was always inside but never came out. It didn't matter that we separated. I started expressing myself and attempting affection (but to no avail). It started to look like we'd come around until she then pulled back.

It's good that you've made these changes, but I'd not think they are solidified just yet. Continue to work to make those positive changes part of the rest of your life.

When she has a point, I even acknowledge it. Sometimes the arguments are just ridiculous and inside I just laugh. Gotta see the positive.

Awesome!

But here is my point. I have to wonder, does the Last Resort Technique apply here? Could it ever? Does the LRT even make sense if the other is anxious? I've seriously thought of implementing this. I was already doing different things long before I even discovered LRT interestingly enough and LRT seems compelling enough to try.

LRT worked great for my situation, which is much different than yours. LRT gave me the space to calm down, relax, and breathe a little. It did the same for my spouse. Michele says the LRT is when your spouse says they want a divorce and they are serious. So I dunno, it's tough to say whether or not you should do this yet. Are you considering filing for divorce? Maybe this is the last resort before you file then.

Seems to me "going dark" would only heighten the anxiety and prove that I can't communicate.

But, through her request of separation, hasn't she indicated that she doesn't want to communicate with you in that way?

Going dark means no communication, no contact whatsoever. I don't think you are there yet.

I came from a similar household where my father didn't allow people to feel free and open to be themselves and communicate in healthy ways. It takes a looonnnnggggg time to change that . Your W is used to interacting with you in a certain way. If you are changing that dynamic, she is going to have trouble adjusting - but she will adjust one way or the other. It takes a lot of time for her to figure this out. You need to be patient and not engage in fights. She may even try to change things back to how they were (probably not on purpose or consciously) b/c that is what she is familiar with. She is just used to that old dynamic.