And another text. 'I still haven't calmed down. 2 days in a row' (because I told him both days that I was upset about the mess he left in the house, so he's feeling attacked, and possibly a bit guilty??). I said I that sounded hard for him and that it wasn't my intention to upset him, and if he wanted to cancel tonight then to let me know. He seems like he's blaming me for him not being able to focus on his work, he said that he's behind because yesterday I upset him by telling him I wasn't happy about the mess in the house.
His feelings are not my fault, and my feelings are not his fault. Goodness knows I have spent years now blaming him for me not being able to focus on my work and make progress, but I have finally come to the realisation that no matter what his behaviour, I can choose how to respond to it and that if I'm not making progress on my work then that's on me. It's been a hard lesson to learn, I can see how sometimes I even self-sabotage by allowing him to upset me and then not being able to focus. I have to grow from this and move past it. It's difficult, it's been literally years of this and spotting my unhealthy patterns is hard!
