OK so this morning I texted him saying I'd need a key to his flat. He texted back no and then rang me. I said that I'd asked some people over there for dinner and was planning to leave a mess for him to clean up. He got really angry and spouted and then hung up. Then he ranted via text a few times and said he wouldn't meet up tonight. I said that was fine because I had a lot of thinking to do. I asked for my car key back and he said he'd bring it Sunday. Then I said and the house keys too and then he ranted again about how it's his house and his kids live there. And I pointed out that he didn't live here and he had disrepected me by asking friends over without checking with me and then leaving a mess. He said he didn't mean to disrespect me (that's his apology lol) and that he'd been sad thinking it was the last time he would stay here. Then he said he thought we were separated and he would tell the kids this Sunday (Father's day, the irony, how very selfish of him). Then he ranted a bit more about how it had been his home for 30 years and why couldn't I have listened to him for the last 5 years (interesting timeline). I said I was sorry he was upset and said he could ring me later when he had calmed down.
Phew. So I guess I have a free evening tonight.
Thoughts: I actually feel quite calm. I didn't when he was shouting but those texts I'm pretty much seeing as spewing.
I don't want to go through the hassle of legal stuff right now, not until this project is finished at the end of the year. I literally don't have time. I've kept thinking about moving house and the work involved is too much for me to fit in right now. But otherwise I feel like I'm making my peace with us being actually separated and perhaps D. This weekend has been a turning point in me deciding to make my own future instead of waiting around for him to decide. I was ok with waiting while things were warming up between us, but he kept turning them cold again, and I refuse to do laundry and clean up for someone who won't let me see his flat, that is just demeaning.
So, watch this space. I think he will get furious and do something impulsive. I will be calm and wait out the storm.
Fundamentally when he moved out I feel like he was just waiting for me to do something. He showed zero commitment to work on our R. He may have had difficulty letting go, but he hasn't made the effort to move towards me.
