Can I Save My Marriage Alone?

[LB55]

Hi CB,

I am sorry that you are here, this is a good place to learn, vent, and better yourself.

I am one that understands your situation with work and sea better than most here. I am the sea going one, have been for 21 years now. I have deployed 7 times, 13 years of time at sea, missed all kinds of holidays, birthdays, the birth of my D, etc.

What you are going through it really tough and while I can't say for sure what your H is dealing with, it is his issue to resolve. Same with my W. Its her problem to work through. She is angry at stuff that happened in her past before we were together and has decided that I am the problem and by getting rid of me that her problems will cease to exist. I can't fix it for her.

Being gone is absolutely the most difficult thing. I was gone for a year, and 3 days before Christmas I got served divorce papers with restraining orders when I got off the airport shuttle(I was expecting my W and kids to pick me up in the parking lot; instead some fat guy came and gave me papers at 10pm that said i couldn't go home and I was left to fend for myself). The most difficult day of my life. I survived. You stated that you don't email him because of connection issues. Email will sit in the queue until its delivered most times. I would encourage you to send him stuff about your daughter, pictures, stories, etc. While he may not want to deal with you right now, he will still notice sending him stuff about your daughter. It will mean something to him. Just don't try and sneak in a relationship talk, short wordy jabs, or other stuff. Make it a safe way to communicate instead of an off limits ineffective one. My 2 cents on that topic.

So in summary, work on yourself, do what you think is best with your time between now and November, and make yourself a better woman. Remember you can't make him want to work on it no matter how much you want him to. I would love to work on things with my W, but she doesn't want to right now. So is all I am doing is listening when she wants to talk. I've become a much better listener through all of this, I am learning all kinds of new skills that will help me whether we are able to come back to each other or not.