He sounds, in lots of ways, like he's operating at the level of a fifteen year old boy. I doubt he sat there thinking, 'how can I make Dilly feel awful' - just as teenagers don't. It's just an unexamined sense of selfishness. Do you think he's treating you like a mother he needs to rebel against in order to find himself? He wants to kick at you and get his independence by breaking those bonds, but you're not allowed to abandon him? The whole way he's operating in this dynamic sounds adolescent at very best.
I could boil with rage about his 'clean and tidy' comment. Is he a bit of a chauvinist, do you think? I have to say, whatever his faults, that my H really isn't. He is a real nit-picker and pretty controlling over domestic life, but I don't think that was to do with the housework itself, I think it was his way of expressing the fact he didn't feel important enough. I find all that side of things much nicer and easier now he's not here. Most of the time the house is pretty clean and spotless, and if I have a week when I can't be bothered, well, so be it - it's not a criminal act!
