Destroyed. From a religious and spiritual perspective, Divorce is evil. It is encouraged by our society through no fault divorces, lawyers, media, mediators, courts, celebrities, and selfishness as individuals, whether well intending or not. There is no sense of sacrifice or honor in it whatsoever. There is way too much encouragement and emphasis in western society IMO that you have to be self empowered, you have to find your purpose, and you have to be happy to have a fruitful life. If that life involves leaving your spouse then so be it. Not that there's anything wrong with pursuing these things in life, but at what cost? Typically the cost of the potentiality of our children.
I can't speak for everyone, but I am confidant that some of us would rather be miserable and keep the family intact to see if things can be worked out, and the fog cleared over time. If there's one thing I've learned from this forum and many other sources is that most people think happiness comes from achievement, experiences, inner work, confidence and purpose. This is true to an extent. But then what? What's next? What comes next? The relationship that we have with happiness needs to be a balance one. We need happiness to remain motivated with purpose. What most people don't realize what the cost is in a long-term when severing a marriage or family.
What I find absolutely fascinating is, women are great planners as far as social occasions, entertainment, achievement, self improvement, intuition, and planning on moving forward in getting away from us and on with their lives moving forward. They are not happy so they need to do something or change something with their lives. They no longer derive happiness in their perception from their marriage so it must be the marriage? Right? Even though happiness brings contention and satisfaction? What most of our WAW do not recognize is that happiness is fleeting like any other emotion. It is only temporary. Its supposed to come and go despite it motivating us to do bigger and better things. Like a child temporary fascinated with a new toy, and then within hours, throwing it into a corner out of boredom. Happiness has its place to an individual, but we must recognised its value and pitfalls, pros and cons, for what it is from a balanced perspective.
I've mistakenly at times tried bargain with God and I stopped that. I know that we all have free will and God cannot control my wife's decisions. I just hope that one day she sees things as they are one day with a dose of humility. Divorced, separated or not... I think we all just want to be validated and understood.
God wants us to be happy, but first and foremost God calls us to be obedient, commited, and disciplined first, My W is a Christian. She says she prays every night, and I believe her. But she takes a no interest in the bible, its stories, meaning, parables, its application, despite being given to her by her minister of a grandfather. She also has a book for women on daily devotionals for people of separation and divorce. She probably only read about 15 pages in the last 7 months. My take on things is the Heart Wants What It Wants. But the heart can be deceived and misled through emotions. I'm willing to bet that most of our spouses have only read about the direction that they think they should take, about thriving after divorce, about self-empowerment, self improvement, etc. They are continually looking for encouragement beyond the the marriage for themselves, but I'm willing to bet they never investigate the consequences.
I'm willing to bet that they haven't read or investigated the other side of divorce. How it mentally affects our children, their upbringing, and their behaviors as a result of divorce, effects some of their potential outcomes in life. How most likely that's someone that our WAS dates after us, there is an exponentially higher chance of foul play, molestation at worse, and family dynamic confusion at best with blended families. MWD even states these statistics in her book. (Think of a five-year-old yelling to to anex spouses new boyfriend yelling YOUR NOT MY DADDY!! Or to a GF YOUR NOT MY MOMMY.) LOL. Nothing but tension and competition between personal relationships and children. It's a freaking mess.
Im going to make a battle of the sexes, political and media argument here and am probably going to get roasted for it, but whatever.
I think men in general in today's western society need to grow up (including myself) and study the ways of old dynamics from the past 70 years of values, what it means to be a man, a father, and a husband, despite it not fitting very well into today's model of reality. The nuclear family is a thing of the past unfortunately, along with Its stability, because of economics, current culture, and propaganda. Its practically impossible to carry on traditional gender roles in today's relationships, marriages, and families without a backlash. I have noticed within my own M the double standards that my W has, and has tried to demasculate me and challenge me on certain things, which i have stood on. Some of these things have caused the dissolution of my marriage. But I won't compromise my traditional principles and values. I think that we cherry pick on both sides of ideals, what should be traditional and what should be current. I agree that marriage should be an equal partnership of value, commitment, understanding, and growth, but men and women will never be equals. Its very egalitarian. When you think about it I mean really think about it we are not even equal to ourselves, because we are always changing. We are never static. Not that either sex is superior to their opposite. Just different. They should compliment one another. But it is my HO that feminism has sold a bunch of lies to women falsely empowering them they can have it all. That they can be strong and independent, be single moms, that they should never need a man, but want one for their own benefit, that comes with such a high list of expectations that no human can fulfil thanks to Disney, movies, and media. They are easily influenced by fiction, novels, media, trends, social dynamics, etc. While going out the door yesterday, I actually caught my W filling out a survey of what Disney Princess she equivilates to go post on FB. They want the fantasy. Rarely do they with objectivities explore the realities of seperating, and the pit falls of it. They just want to escape from being unhappy, they want to run, they want to explore, they want rebuild themselves and trust themselves. I get that.
Men of today need a kick in the behind too, with the pornography (guilty) the immaturity, the expectations, arrogance, etc. (By all means please point out to me how you think men can be better today, if I am not seeing it at this time.) A lot of them have NGS. Lack of purpose, fortitude, etc.
Where I'm going with this is these are all divisions created by Satan. Men are asked to act more like women and women are asked to act more like men today. Its unnatural. Add support of groups of either extremists, that support the role reversals, and you wonder why there is conflict and confusion, within the family, the marriage, and society from the societal values of old. If you ever noticed these days everything is about the self. Self-empowerment self-improvement self-help self independence, and the like. Satan has been very successful in sowing discord within our Western Society because of the freedoms that we have in it, are slowly losing, and has gone from a nation of great value to a nation of self entitlement and promiscuity. Community starts with the family, not the other way around IMO.
