So so new to this :(

[Nyla79]

I’ve had a rough weekend. Nothing really has happened, but I’m having a hard time keeping my emotions in check. I’ve been sad, crying a lot and just missing my H. And I’ve felt this urge to just confront him, talk to him and make him understand.

Whenever we have had rough patches in the past, he has always said
“we will get thru this”
“we don’t quit”
“You’re stuck with me for the rest of your life” (not in a creepy way but in a endearing way)

Why can’t I just say the same things to him now? I know it probably wouldn’t help, but at the same time I keep on thinking that what if it would? I have been pursued him since he moved out, and I think I was a bit of a distancer in our marriage. I don’t know, this is so hard.
I did a lot of fun things this weekend, so I shouldn’t have been sad. I went out for dinner with girlfriends on Friday. Saturday I took the kids and met with my sisters family and had a fun beach picnic and dinner together. Sunday I cleaned the yard, and spent the afternoon with my son by the pool. But still H keeps on sneaking into my thoughts, and the OW. Earlier I haven’t really thought of her so much, but knowing that she’s coming soon, it stresses me out.

I reminded the kids that Sunday was Fathers day in the States (my H is an American) and that maybe they want to send him a message, my D14 response was #%&* no! The language she has started to use when referring to her father is really nasty, and I’ve tried to talk to her about it, but she’s still so angry that she’s not letting me really say anything to her about this situation.

I’m leaving to go and visit my hometown tomorrow and we will be gone for two weeks, and when we come back, OW has moved here, so I’m dreading that a bit. I shouldn’t as I know there’s nothing I can do to change this, but still, it scares me and hurts me.

Going home scares me too. I don’t want to talk to people about this, and then going and staying at our summerhouse is going to be painful. That was our mutual dream to have the place where we can be alone as a family and where we could eventually bring our grandkids and teach them how to do all kinds of handy things. Sigh.