Moving past D to a stronger me (pt. 7)

[Davide]

FS,

Thanks for the reply! I 100% agree that building a wall around my heart/emotions when dealing with EW is nothing more than self-preservation. I think that opening up and being vulnerable to the right person is absolutely crucial. In dating, I have tried to be as open as possible, but it takes time to reach a level of intimacy where complete vulnerability is appropriate.

I am sorry for your creepy guy experiences. I hear that a lot from women here and on-line. It seems like a sad and sexist reality that women have to put up with if they go the OLD route. I wish I knew how to change it beyond simply not acting like jerk myself.

Regarding your comment on men in their 40s, I am a man in my 40's but I have no kids and would like to have a family so 40-41 tends to be my upper limit. At this point I tend to date women without children, although the most serious relationship I had (2 months dating) was with a woman with a three year old. For me dating someone with older children would just require a significant mind shift in terms of what my vision of the future looks like (and I feel like we would be at very different stages of life). For the right person I am open to it, but it's hard to imagine right now.

In terms of your guidelines I am with you completely. The body-focused response don't even merit a response, and anyone who is putting serious expectations on a R before even meeting is way too "thirsty" for a relationship. You wouldn't believe how many women have trouble holding up their end of the conversation as well. So many one line replies, or lots of talk about themselves but a complete inability to ask questions about the other person. On the flip side, I have had a number of dates where the woman absolutely loved the date because I was present, actively listening, asking follow-up questions, and contributing my own stories. On some of them I didn't feel any chemistry and knew right away that I didn't want to pursue a relationship, but I was still going to try to have a good conversation and enjoy the evening.

Good luck with it. It's nice to swap stories and realize that I'm not the only one out there struggling with it!