There is no point in making myself vulnerable to her at this point. I know that I came across as a bit cold and business-like in the face of her emotion. But what would have been the point in allowing myself to be emotional there? I was hurting for sure, but that isn't her problem any more than her sadness is mine.
We all put this emotional armour on to protect ourselves. Necessary - no-one wants to be back where we were, curled up in that foetal position with their world imploding around us. But, D, recognise it for what it is. It is self preservation and not strength. To truly move forward you have to re-open your heart and be willing to be vulnerably. Maybe just not to the people who blew up our worlds.
I too am a little dishearten at the dating thing. It's been two weeks for me, four dates, and a shed load of inappropriate men trying to 'chat' to me. Not one has been over 40. One had chemistry but was way way way too young, and the other, in their late 30's (who is lovely) I feel no attraction to, another asked if he could 'lick my [censored]' and the last one lived like he was a uni student (even though he was in his 30's). What I wouldn't give for a normal person. I suspect men in their 40's are not interested in women in their 40's.
I am sorry to say I am probably one of those who will respond to initial inquiries and then ghost. If it helps, these are the reasons I ghost:
1. They are far too intense. One wanted to "meet and start a relationship'. When I said I was happy to meet and then see if there was commonality, he said "you are only here to date lots of people'. 2. They don't have much to say and concentrate on my appearance "you are really hot", "you have a great body", 'you blah blah blah"
What I want:
1. Evidence that you can carry a conversation - ask about my photos, ask about my profile, ask me how my day is going - and I will do the same 2. Suggest something different to do - climbing, swimming, comedy show, play - to take the pressure off. 3. Show that you have a life - talk about climbing, yoga, teaching etc. I want to know that your life is complete, with or without a partner.
Anyway, good luck.
And as a member of this forum who has benefited from your advice and support, I am grateful that you are here.
