Journalling: H dropped Youngest off this morning - he was distant, no eye contact, that sort of thing. He started talking about arrangements for birthday and the coming week, and I suggested we just do it over text. I'm tired of him using conversations over practicalities as an excuse to get a jab in at me so I'm going to move towards doing it over email / text as much as possible. I didn't invite him into the house but was friendly otherwise. I could just leave the childcare stuff in his hands - but I really want to be able to plan GAL and not have him text me with an hour's notice then get into a snit when it doesn't work for me. More importantly, I think a predictable schedule is better for Youngest. He texted a few hours later saying it was nice weather today so he was going out, but rain the rest of the week so we could make arrangements then (?!). I said, 'I want to know when you will be picking up and taking Youngest to school this week - today if possible,' and he texted me back a couple of days. I suspect he's annoyed he's no longer getting the red-carpet treatment in my home, and that I am expecting him to do equitable childcare now he's finished his project and not working. It's sad, really sad. I feel that going dark this way is necessary for me to have the space to focus properly on myself, and it stops me enabling his lack of care and attention around the kids. I still feel a bit fearful about the consequences of me going dark, but I am doing it anyway, because logically even if it burns bridges between us, the status quo isn't acceptable to me and neither was the marriage as it was. No going back.
