Complex WW and/or MLC #3

[P_Jam]

LH,
That is my concern too... so now what? We are both feeling the connection. We have since discussed that night (in letters) and I"m 100% confident she is still very remorseful. And as you noted I'm sure there is some bad feelings about me trying to 'control' the situation. That being said; I think its mostly the invasion of privacy that she feels over the lengths that I went and as I tried to explain above... She still feels out of control in regards to being able to disclose apologize on her own terms (since I know so much). So in General I agree with you - but 2 things: 1, I have since told her I do not want to have those conversations, I do not want/need to put her in a situation where she needs to lie to me again. But made it clear she will need to be ready to disclose and deal with the issues at some point. I will not reconcile without a full accounting on both sides in MC. Second, I have been clear with her that I'm aware I totally took away her sense of privacy but given the situation (I had a pretty strong gut feeling she was lying) and each time I did snoop on her I was right and found more. So it is very difficult for me to say that I would not do the same thing again in the same situation. I don't have "right" to jump to those lengths on any little bad feeling but I didn't do anything like that for 15 years. Only when this started happening. My point is- I'm not in anyway caving to her in this way. It is what it is and we need to deal with it all.

I believe we at the start of reconciliation. I don't put too much on it right now as this can easily change quickly, but I don't really want to go backwards. Shouldn't I just keep my boundaries with MC and deal with those issues there? I do not expect/want her to move back in too quickly. We still need that space - but do I really need to put the brakes on this?