Originally Posted by Dadhurt
I had sent her a couple of articles on the benefits of nesting.


DON'T DO THE WORK FOR HER. Your job is to give her time and space. If she wants S or D then fine, let her deal with that. NOT YOU.

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I also told her that I have been having some good introspection and I am "ready to move on".


Really. So you got BD'd in mid-May and here you are 3 weeks later ready to move on and split. You think you might be rushing things just a teeny bit? Or trying to get some kind of reaction out of W? A lot of people do this, they try to "nice" their spouse back through begging, pleading, negotiating and gift-giving and when it doesn't work they resort to trying to "mean" them back by threats of S or D or being "ready to move on". That doesn't work either, so then usually it's back to begging and pleading.

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After I said that she became obviously upset and said something to the effect of "lets get things rolling then, you're ready, I'm ready, etc." Not sure why she was upset as this is what she wants


She's upset because you're applying pressure. Whether you are begging to get back together or insisting it's time to split it is STILL a relationship talk and it is STILL pressure. Remove all pressure!

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I stated that "I'm ready to move on" came out wrong and that I'm just trying do what's best in a difficult situation and not be selfish by respecting her choice while making decisions on what's best for our daughter. We talked for a while about what the future may look like, near term and after moving. It was a good exercise on detaching as I was able to speak mostly matter-of-factly on the in-house separation and what co-parenting will look like after divorce.


I think maybe you misunderstand detachment. Detachment is not initiating convos like that AT ALL.


Me: 60 w/ S18, D24, D27

M: 21 years; BD: 06-14-12; S: 09-10-12; D final: 03-17-14; XW:57