It was a healthy exchange. I don't think it changes anything substantially, but I've decided if he speaks to me respectfully I will respond and validate - though not seek those conversations out - and otherwise go very dark.
He sent me a text in the morning complaining that Eldest had left the kitchen a mess and that the bathroom was filthy and the house unpleasant to be in (he's right - it's a proper state - I can't be bothered recently and as we're not at the point of health-hazard, I can't care about it too much right now) and I just said 'sounds like you've had a hard morning,' and left it at that. I am not sure that is great validation but I felt criticised about the house and didn't want to get into it with him. He can clean the bathroom himself, or go home and use his own clean bathroom (cleaned by someone else), or STFU.
I got home last night and he was in with the kids. I just came in, dropped my bags then went out again to pick up the dog. He'd left me some tea, which was kind and unexpected. We talked a bit afterwards - he asked me about the promotion plans and I said I was struggling to get motivation for it, and he said he thought that was a change, and perhaps healthy, because I'd been so driven by my demons to over-work and over-achieve that perhaps it was just time to take a breather and enjoy where my life was right now. I said I thought he had a point (he does) and I would probably apply but not get too worked up about it, as I have done in the past. I know I've been unbearable with work pressure sometimes and I don't want that in my life any more.
Today is the very last day of his project. He got the main results yesterday and he did brilliantly. Not as well as he wanted (he's a perfectionist and more critical of himself than he is of others, which is saying something...) but given the circumstances and his obvious depression, it's very impressive. He has about three weeks vacation now and I hope he takes proper advantage of that and does some self care so he can be more present and patient for the kids - he's still pretty 'absent' and wrung out most of the time and I can see him trying, especially with Youngest, but getting irritable with their normal wants and needs and noise.
GAL plans. Am seeing a friend this morning for coffee and a meeting afterwards regarding the promotion - just gathering some information at this stage. Plan to do some housework this afternoon and then take the kids to the seaside for a good runabout tonight. Am in good spirits.
