I recenty read about a couple married for over 50 years (could have been more...) and when asked their secret to have such a mong marriage, he replied "not to fall out of love at the same time". A simple statement, but once one is IN the M, there is a M. I believe our situations are a bit like that. Our Ws detached from the M but are still there. You have survived an affair and an immenent D. That has to have left collatoral damage, that will need to be cleared before anything better can thrive. Although it may seem so imperfect at the moment, you are closer to your goal than you were last year!

Believing in the potential of a better R is essential IMO. I am not someone who believes people should stand just to stand and any M is better than none. I believe in the potential of any situation CAN improve. As long as you believe that for your M, anything is possible. Just don'y expect IT

Best wishes

R 25 years
M 14 years
S11 & S13
Working on it alone since Oct 2014
M in trouble a lot earlier (~2 years)
Feb 2016. 1st R chat in a yr.
Next R chat Aug'17
Still together