Don't filter! Post honest pics. And for heaven's sake, do NOT compare yourself to other women. You are unique and special and amazing in your own right. Don't look at other people and try to measure your worth based on what you see of them. I don't wear make-up at all. Haven't in years. When I put up my OLD profile, I chose a couple of close-up face shots (no make-up) and a couple of full-length ones because I had already said I was a big girl, but I wanted them to see what that meant. Men are very visual and "big" is relative.
I understand your nervousness and lack of confidence. I experienced those same things when I first looked into OLD. I, too, had a rather long profile, but to me it helped me sort the wheat from the chaff, so to speak, in that those who had obviously taken the time to actually read the whole thing and talk to me about things contained in it were the ones I would communicate with while those that led with crap like "you are beautiful" (nice try, buddy, but no) or "oh you are a teacher....my mom (grandma, sister, aunt, best friend's sister's husband's cousin twice removed) was also a teacher" (no kidding, Captain Obvious...thanks for the autobiography) got ignored right from the start.
It's a weird world to navigate and there are some odd ducks out there for sure, but think about those of us on here who have dipped our toes into that particular pool. I dare say, at some point, all of us have found quality folks. If I remember their stories correctly, J9 found his doctor lady OLD and I found Sparky that way. I even want to think that Andrew had some online connection to his lady B, but I may be fuzzy on that particular one. My point is that while there are crazies, there are also decent folks looking for love out there. Try not to get too discouraged or be too nervous. You are wonderful and the right person will recognize that whether they come from OLD or you bump into them with your cart in the middle of a crowded grocery store.
Me 52, H53 Bomb drop 9/29/2014 Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014 Marriage #2 12/31/2019 5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships) 6 grandkids
Ummmm.... I have met you juju. You are gorgeous and don’t need a filter. And I know guys steer away from filters because that usually means a person is hiding something.
You are going to have no problems with this, that I am sure of
Thanks guys. I’m trying so hard to wait till later to see who responded.
My pics look like me. The lighting is off and not in a super flattering way. Little makeup (I don’t know how to put it on right) and I’m mostly wearing work out type outfits. I had no recent dressy pics of me. Just 1 which is dressy for me (black pants and a frilly tank top) but not comparably. I always feel funny asking people to take pics of me.
I can’t help but look at the other woman”s profiles and a lot of them are very glamorous looking. I just haven’t been to any glamorous places. I’m shocked that 42 year old teachers are posting bikini shots. Yes, they look like they live at the gym. And a lot of them have had work done. It’s ok though. I’m not gonna click with a guy that likes those type of women anyway. I have to stop comparing.
Yes, girl, PLEASE stop comparing yourself. Listen, I (fortunately) learned this lesson a LONG time ago, but you just have to be comfortable in your own skin and confident in who you are and the people who really matter will recognize that you are enough. I don't mean to sound like a self-motivational quote here, but it is true. I'm 5'11" and weigh more than I care to admit which is a turn-off in and of itself for a lot of guys. There are a many, many women in this world who are physically more attractive than I am and if I compared myself to them all the time, I would just have to give up. Don't focus on what they have that you don't. Focus on what you do have that makes you you.
Me 52, H53 Bomb drop 9/29/2014 Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014 Marriage #2 12/31/2019 5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships) 6 grandkids
I can tell which ones used the beautify app and who did not. Just make sure your pictures look like you, nothing is more frustrating than someone walking through the door that doesn't look like what I saw online.
Keep us posted.....let us know how many emails you have to weed through!
Ok. So I’ve had a lot of nice messages. There are maybe 5 guys I could see myself writing back to. They were professionals, taller then me, decent looking with normal profiles. I seem to be attracting guys that are active.
I have a good job. . I have money saved. But I love with my parents. (Cost of living is really high here and I don’t want to struggle or throw money away in rent). I worry a lot of professional guys are going to look down on me or write me off when they hear that?
How long is it ok to go before responding to the guys I am interested in learning more about? I’m exhausted and busy too. I think they know I looked at their profile and read their message.
A lot of Guys write messages like”how are you” or “nice smile” which means I technically have to come up with conversation. Or just respond with a “thanks” or “good” and see what they say.
JujuB - The ones who write something generic haven't bothered to read your profile and are spamming at least dozens and undoubtedly more profiles hoping for a nibble or a quick lay. On the guy side it is perhaps considered a "numbers game" so a lot of guys do that. You've seen that on the guy threads here.
I'm not sure what platform you are using - but are you the fish or the fisher? Reach out to guys who interest you - don't wait for them to find you. So few guys get contacted that you are likely to get a positive response if you initiate. B's online profile wouldn't have attracted me. But her message - which admittedly included a reference to an IRL meeting - inspired me to take a chance.
kml also inspired me to look beyond the superficial. Look for honesty first.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
I am on a paid site. I agree. I won’t waste my time responding to a generic “ hi how are you”.
I went on the site a few years ago but reached out to ex bf who had a really good profile. Other then him I went on 1 date and never responded to the guys that messaged me. I shut my profile down super quick too without dating.
I think I created something in my mind based on the profile for ex bf. (In hind-site, during the early days of dating i was using him as a therapist because he was also a LBS). The reason he never reached out to me was because he figured a woman would message him if she wasn’t interested enough but figured women get a lot of messages so why pursue. He was very attentive in the beginning, but then got really lazy and passive as the relationship moved forward.
I’m kind of figuring that if a guy doesn’t bother to read my profile and pursue it’s cause he’s not interested or has tendencies forwards laziness and passiveness. I don’t want to be a pursuer anymore.
When I would write someone I would usually pick something out in their profile and strike up conversation around that. For example, in the Dr's profile she mentioned she gets her hair cut twice a year at Great Clips. So my first message to her was the following......"Is it a deal breaker if I spend more money on my hair than you?" She responded with "LOL, no it's not a deal breaker...I probably spend more money on ammo".
I would focus more on those that actually say something more in depth an actually ask you a question to generate conversation.
I don't think living at home is a deal breaker as long as you have a logical explanation when the time comes to reveal it. I would also add that when you have to reveal it make sure you come across confident in your explanation as to why.
If you don't want to pursue then don't. If the man is interested then he will do the work.
